I've been dancing Bachata for 6 months now. From the very beginning, I was puzzled by its effect on seduction.
I started to find out that some of the experienced male dancers (also called leaders) were having dating lives that, given their levels of physical attractiveness and seduction skills, wouldn't seem remotely believable. In fact, not counting famous men, this is the group of people in which I've seen the most unconventional matches.
For instance, take this girl: a 21-year-old, 6-foot-tall, stunning, sober, Dutch woman. She meets a 40-year-old, 5'6", physically unattractive, middle-class man who is an advanced leader. He mumbles through broken English; she doesn't speak Spanish. They get together the same night. Said dude is also dating a bunch of other 20-something-year-old girls in the same dancing club.
His brother, who's also an advanced leader (also middle class and physically unattractive), is dating another beautiful woman who's about 15 years younger than he is. From what I managed to observe, they seem to have an arrangement where he can get with other women, but she can't even talk to other men (quite toxic, but that's another story).
I don't need to tell you that seeing these unlikely matches somewhat motivated me to learn Bachata. After 6 months of practice, I’ve realized it not only makes meeting women far easier than cold approach, but it’s also super helpful at seducing them.
Tango is intimacy, intimacy between a man and a woman, intimacy in the way we used to use that word. A man and a woman aligned, synchronized, charged, so close together and yet so respectfully distant, without needing to fall over the edge every time.
Tango is entire. It contains everything, all the secrets. The man leading, hands high, confident high, and the woman serene, feeling everything, eyes closed. For three minutes, that woman is his and his alone. For three minutes, that man holds her dreams—and everyone else be damned.
Tango is life. All other dances are entertainment. If a man wants to know how a woman should be experienced, the tango is all he needs. Even a cursory spectator experience will teach him more than all the books and dating advice in the world.
Why does dancing work so well to seduce women? I could write a whole book about this topic. But since I was hoping to give you a slightly shorter explanation, here comes the most important reason:
Dancing fulfills the three necessary conditions of female desire: attraction, connection, and horniness.
Attraction
Women find men who are good dancers more attractive. It kind of goes without saying, but if you need some proof, check out this study.
Now, I'm not saying that being a good dancer will make you attractive to all women. But it certainly will increase your attractiveness. To what extent it does will depend on the specific woman. As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Connection
I wouldn't have understood this before dancing for a few months. When you're a decent leader, you can actually connect with women by dancing with them. It starts to feel like you're surfing through the song together.
It's difficult to explain in words, but after a good dance, you and the woman feel connected by the beauty you just created.
Horniness
This will depend on the dance you're practicing. Bachata is a particularly sensual dance; your bodies are connected by touch 90% of the time. Not in a vulgar, overtly sexual way, but in a suggestive, sensual way.
You are usually sliding your fingers through the inner part of their arms, embracing them from behind, and even touching their inner thighs with your knees. Needless to say, you shouldn't overdo it.
Pretty much all interactions will become more sexualized by dancing bachata together. It's basically what PUAs call kino, but on steroids. When you know the dance, you can play at pulling and pushing, building and releasing sexual tension.
As you may have guessed by now, I really recommend you pick up dancing. Now, what dance should you choose? There are three major ones:
- Salsa: Probably the most popular partner dance worldwide. The mood is happy, upbeat, and festive. The rhythm is usually medium–fast, with lots of distance between the dancing partners. So it's considered the least sensual/romantic of the three. Its main point is its popularity, especially if the dancing scene is small in your city.
- Bachata: It's the second in line in terms of popularity, and currently growing fast. The mood ranges from happy/energetic to romantic/dramatic depending on the song. It can be very sensual and physically close. It also sounds the most modern thanks to pop/Latin remixes.
- Tango: I haven't really danced or listened to tango yet (planning to), so I'll keep it short. Out of these three, it's considered the most technically difficult. The vibe is intimate and dramatic, often melancholic. And it's generally targeted to 40+ year-olds.
I recommend trying several of them and seeing which one you enjoy the most. After all, if you don't have fun dancing, you'll never be good at it.
Feel free to tell me how it goes, I read every email at [email protected]. I hope you liked this post, talk to you soon.
—Javi