What Nobody Tells You About Being Chad

Yes, I know this title doesn't show a lot of humility. Don't get me wrong, I don't take pride in my looks. The reason I’m writing this is because I constantly see men online saying things like “that only works if you’re tall and handsome.” I happen to be one of the lucky ones, so I want to share what it’s really like.

I actually have a privileged perspective because I was very ugly as a child and young teenager. And I know I was, quite simply, because pretty much everyone told me so. I was called ugly weekly for about ten years (from ages 6 to 16), not just by classmates but also teachers and even friends.

Looking back, I don’t think I was much uglier than average. I did have acne in my early teens, but most of what people called “ugliness” was just unattractive traits: terrible posture from low self-esteem and low social status, needy behavior, poor hygiene and grooming, bad performance in studies and sports. People said “ugly” when they really meant “unattractive.”

At that time, being called ugly didn’t even hurt. My internal and external reaction was simply: “No shit Sherlock, I know I’m ugly.” Needless to say, I had no interactions with girls outside of the occasional kiss in bottle games.

After 16, things changed. I became aware of my unattractive traits, started caring more about fashion and grooming, got decent at sports and studies.

And most importantly, puberty finally kicked in. I developed masculine facial features and became 6' at 18 years old, which is tall for a Spaniard. I began working out and quickly built an athletic frame with a broad chest and full arms.

Between 16 and 18 I still didn’t get much attention. A few kisses, but I kept my virginity. I think that’s because my social circle still saw me as my old, low-status self.

College changed everything. My fashion was better than average, my grooming was decent, my posture had improved, and I had the aura that only an 18-year-old can have. I thought I was invincible in all senses. On top of that, I was very talented at my degree (maths), which gave me social status among my classmates.

That’s when I started getting compliments about once per month. On nights out, I usually kissed one or two girls. I needed to be completely drunk to approach them, and they weren't always very attractive, but I felt on top of the world. I lost my v-card and slept with two or three women per year.

For the next few years, I lived comfortably. I had casual sex more or less regularly, and was explicitly reminded of my good looks once or twice per month. I was what you would call a very non-needy guy, mainly due to my social status and abundant opportunities. I didn't try to grow in any way, I felt like I didn't need it.

Leaving university changed everything. I wasn’t nearly as talented at my job as I had been at math, so my status in the company was low. I moved abroad with no social circle. My grooming and fashion hadn't improved in the past five years.

I was still hitting the gym and still had attractive facial features, but my dating life suffered a lot.

Dating apps gave me about three first dates per month. Most were catfishes, incompatibilities, girls who played games, etc. I had about one successful date every three months, often with tourists who would leave after one or two nights.

In five years, I only slept with one woman I found very attractive, and she never wanted to see me again. On paper I was attractive, but my dating life was very unsatisfying. I was going out every weekend trying to meet women in bars, but had very little success, even though I was much better at approaching women than my friends. I felt like I was throwing away my "good years", when I was young, attractive and single.

If you think you got dealt a bad hand in terms of looks, don't envy the chads, because they may be just as unsatisfied as you. Good looks alone won't give you a fulfilling dating life. Even good looks + average game won't cut it. Everyone has to work hard for a long time to build real satisfaction.

Two years ago, I stopped coasting and got serious about growth:

This required hundreds of hours of deliberate practice and thousands of euros. But the results are insane: I now get 2-3 compliments per week. Some people literally say I look like a model. They openly stare on the street. When I dance bachata, women that most guys would rate as 9s or 10s flirt with me within minutes. My dating life is better than ever.

Your genetics don't matter as much as you think. The path is identical for everyone: systematically growing their overall attractiveness and game.

It's not as complex as it may seem, you just keep stacking improvements one at a time: better grooming, improved style, fitness, posture, fragrance, social media presence, hobbies where you meet women.

Entering this self-improvement path won't transform your dating life overnight. But in 3 years, the difference will be absolutely insane.

Good genetics are just one unfair advantage. Adopt a mindset of constant growth, keep stacking up new relevant skills, and soon you'll have many unfair advantages over the average man. And then you’ll be unstoppable.

Feel free to let me know whether or not you agree with my conclusions, I read every email at [email protected]. I hope you liked this post, talk to you soon.

—Javi