For most of my life, I didn't really understand how female desire worked. It was a complete black box. I knew some things probably helped, but I had no framework to pinpoint exactly what was missing at any given moment.
That's a bad place to be in. It's where you hear guys say things like: "I'll just get a six-pack, and then all the girls will be all over me." Replace "six-pack" with a million dollars in the bank, or moving to a city packed with baddies, and it's the same thinking.
Plenty of guys end up getting those things, only to realize they're helpers, not triggers.
Without a real understanding of desire, you start seeing dating success as something that just happens to you.
I've had times where dating went great and others where it didn't. Looking back, I couldn't figure out why, and I felt powerless to change whatever romantically unsatisfying situation I was in.
I still don't understand every detail behind the highs and lows in my dating life. But I no longer see female desire as a black box either.
I'm a mathematician, so I love elegant, simple formulas.
When it comes to giving lifestyle advice, there's always a trade-off in specificity.
Fundamental, theoretical advice generalizes well and gives you a deep understanding of the topic, but it's hard to apply in real life.
Specific, practical advice is easy to apply, but it's highly contextual, and often falls apart when applied in circumstances different from the author's.
Also, relying on it creates a state of dependency. The reader never develops a true understanding of the fundamental principles of the skill he's trying to acquire.
Today, I'm leaning toward the fundamental side of the spectrum. Here's one of the simplest and most elegant rules I've found in dating:
female desire = attraction × connection × horniness