Last weekend I was in Copenhagen, probably my favorite city in the world for meeting women. Gorgeous blondes everywhere, party vibe every summer night.
At the same time, it's the city where I usually feel the least confident. The guys there are 6 feet tall on average, have god-like genetics, are rich and stylish. I've done my share of looksmaxing, but compared to them, I don't feel like I shine.
This trip was particularly eye-opening in that sense. Let me tell you how it went:
On Friday, I bump into this gorgeous girl who I knew from last year. Let's call her Sarah. My friends and I sit with her and her female friends.
The conversation is completely dead. I'm doing my best to lift the mood, get people to have fun, open up, etc., but Sarah is acting super shy and pretty much closed off. After 20 minutes, she excuses herself to the restroom. When she comes back, she takes her purse and leaves the bar without even saying goodbye.
Well, I guess she wasn't into me.
Then, at like 2am, I get a message from her:
"Where are you? Sorry for leaving before."
What the fuck? She's sending me a "where are you?" at 2am, while drunk? I think I know what that means.
She proposes going to a club, but I say no. My mates and I were meeting lots of women at the bar. I ask her to a date on Sunday and she says yes.
The night after, we go to a club. My buddies and I start approaching just about any woman we find attractive.
I start talking to Astrid. Again, she's not showing much interest. I'm doing my best to stay charismatic, but being surrounded by so many attractive women (which doesn't happen in my hometown) is making me seem a bit thirsty. After 10 minutes of conversation, she leaves.
One hour later, I find her in the dancing area of the club. I take her hand, spin her, put her hand behind my neck (I recommend practicing this move for the clubs), and rest my hands on her lower back. I try to make some conversation, but you know what it's like at some clubs:
"HEY!! HOW'S IT GOING?!!"
"WHAAT??"
Yeah, the conversation is awkward as fuck. But her hands are still on my shoulders, like in a closed dance position. Should I kiss her? She avoids eye contact completely, staring anywhere but me for like 30 seconds straight.
Green light? Red light?
I go for the kiss. She kisses back.
This might be the most fundamental rule about dating:
Always, no matter what, always assume attraction.
Girls can be confusing. Their default response is no. That doesn't mean she's not attracted to you.
If you're in an environment where you feel like you're not as attractive or charismatic as other men, it's easy to feel unconfident. To interpret mixed signals as rejection. To interpret a rejection as a reflection of your lack of attractiveness and game.
You will never know how many women you could have had if you'd just been convinced that they were into you.
Try it and feel free to tell me how it goes, I read every email at [email protected]. I hope you liked this post, talk to you soon.
—Javi